Can’t take it today.

I just want to cry. I should be happy because needed medical equipment arrived for Sweet Child today. But all I want to do is get away.
i think Loved One has been feeling the same way. LO has been looking for travel deals on-line on a daily basis. it’s hard to believe how difficult this is.
And it’s hard to believe how little I understood only 5 months ago. 5 months ago what were dealing with wasn’t really a possibility. It couldn’t happen it would be like playing the “what if” game. What if Sweet child is diagnosed with a terminal chronic illness? What if Loved One needs invasive medical treatment to continue a normal life. What if I then wind up in the hospital for a condition even the doctors can’t believe I have because I just shouldn’t have it. What if all of this gets in the way of the desire Loved One and I have of expanding our family? What if we go broke or bankrupt because of circumstances that were truly beyond our control. What if I just can’t do this anymore? What if I think I need help but am ashamed to admit it and wouldn’t know where to get help anyway?
I know that no one can understand because no one is in our exact shoes. Others have their problems and I can’t understand them. But I know people are trying to understand and help, and I am trying to understand them and help.
This is so hard! Why does it have to be so up and down. I just want to go up and up and up. But then I fall into these slumps and I feel overwhelmed and sad and powerless. Life doesn’t have to be perfect but I would like to be happy most of the time anyway.

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“Gimee the bike”

I can’t believe I really believed in this one.

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